The Fat Lady Sings

I went in for a physical on Monday. (I developed asthma as an adult and use albuterol to control it. It isn't that bad -- although it generally is much worse in the winter than summer and this winter, I've been particularly wheezy). My prescription ran out, so the doc wanted to see me before he'd refill it.

I had also been thinking that it was time for a little "look/see". I'm getting older -- still running-- doing triathlons -- pretty active-- but older and worry about my little heart keeping up with me.

The doc says that I'm healthy -- everything looks just great ("stellar", he used to describe my cholestorol level). However, I am up about 8 lbs from two years ago.

He didn't chide me or give me "the lecture", which is great. I knew that my weight was up. Jeans are tighter, I feel "puffy" in my legs and arms. It is winter here. And I mean WINTER. The air temp on Saturday morning when I work up to go running was 17 BELOW zero. With the windchill, it was well in to the negative 20's. I did not go running.

I'm trying Weight Watchers
again and I know that with warmer weather, I'll be training more and more active, but...my weight has always been an issue.

I was a fat kid, a fat adolescent and, at times, a fat adult. I'm prone to heaviness genetically, but also am an emotional eater. My eating issues have been vast and deep -- including decades (really) with a very bad eating disorder.

The only thing that actually turned the tide for me with my eating disorder was running. I was training for my very first 10K race. I was in Maryland on a business trip and had found an open track at a high school. I was running laps, looking very much forward to the delicious Chinese dinner I was going to have when it finally hit me that I was not going to be able to keep up the eating disorder if I was going to continue running. The two do not go hand in hand. I knew at some point that the stress would be too hard on my heart. I pretty much left my eating disorder on the track that night.

The good news is that my eating really is much much better, oh so many years later. I can't tell you the last time I ate fast food (outside of Subway), or consumed an entire large pizza by my self, or made a regular practice of visiting the bathroom every time I ate. My diet is pretty "clean" and yet I've put on weight. So what does that tell you?

My portions are too big and I still have big downfalls (M&Ms and cookies in particular).

You know that saying about "inside a fat person, there is a thin person waiting to get out"? You certainly could say the reverse is true for me. Left to my own devices, I really could get in to huge trouble.

I do love eating and sometimes it does really frustrate me that I still get wrapped up in the numbers.

The other really hard thing about dieting is that I am hungry -- a lot -- which is not much fun either. (I know, boo hoo).

Oh well... what else can I whine about today?

I had an okay run last night -- 1/2 marathon training started. I'm meeting a good friend tonight for coffee. My husband and I will be married six months tomorrow. Today I didn't have any M & Ms...